Kareoke will never be a sober sport
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
