We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
