Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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