I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I look better un-naked...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
