hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
mondays should just be called national damage control day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
