I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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