I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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