is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
