Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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