Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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