I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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