Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
