i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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