If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
