no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
