I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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