did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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