The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
