thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
