I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is wine microwaveable?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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