She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
