remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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