I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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