I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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