Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
