like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
