I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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