Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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