I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
