beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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