I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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