Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
