nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
