OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm too high and old for this...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
