i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
