i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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