Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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