I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
