I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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