Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
