Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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