i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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