if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
