I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
