I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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