I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
