omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
