So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
