I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
