Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize