...so i touched it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
