I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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