it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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