She is in my trunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize