we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
