yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize