Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
