Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
