you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
