I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Come on in and take your pants off
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