Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
