Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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