Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I want her autograph on my taint
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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