i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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