Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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