it was like eating out sand paper
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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