Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
