meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
