I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
