So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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