Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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