Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
