Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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