remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
