your parents love me but you hate me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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