Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize