one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
