my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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