do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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