I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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