you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
