my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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