Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i now understand why vodka
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
