i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
