i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
