I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
