I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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