I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
