dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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