the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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