I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
