life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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