Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
