I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
