i don't like sucking hair
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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