oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
